


FALSE UTOPIA

by antigonick



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Archaeology, Character(s) of Color, Cultural Differences, F/M, Military, Post-Canon
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-05-22
Updated: 2016-05-22
Packaged: 2018-06-10 00:12:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 8,752
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6930163
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/antigonick/pseuds/antigonick
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>after over a century, a group of clever archaeologists and undaunted soldiers decide to explore germany in order to reveal deepest secrets of man-eating giants. </p>
<p>however, from the place of modern era, they don't expect to stumble upon a civilization which takes place in 19th century; where ideas of classical utopia are rising massively in their raw minds.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ⚪this is unedited chapter, read at your own risk  
> ⚪the story takes place in post-canon, titans no longer exist. but the original characters don't know about it just yet.  
> ⚪annie, bertholdt, reiner and other titan shifters (except eren) will not make any appearance in the story, considering that i still don't know what will happen to them in canon.  
> ⚪there will be no mature/explicit content.

As the plane arrived at our destination, my pulse was palpitating rapidly; excitement and curiosity simultaneously took over my whole, and I couldn’t help but let my smile widening like a fool. I peered through the spherical window, greeted by an endless grass and enormous white tents. Some passing field techinicians or archeologists glanced briefly at the plane, but kept walking forward.

Richard chuckled carelessly, who apparently, noticed the dumb expression that wrapped my features. “Well, well. Someone looks very cheerful here,” he said, his British accent swimming serenely in a midst of Esperanto words.

My smile wouldn’t vanish, even when I turned to see Richard. His golden hair combed neatly to the side, and the smell of his jasmine cologne piercing into my nose. “Oh, please. Everyone knows that you’re fond of this as well.”

Richard flashed a boyish grin, a very contrary thing to his manly figure. “Hate to break it to you, but it’s not the right time for debate.” He nodded to the plane door, who recently opened abruptly.

I grabbed my _The Principle of Hope_ copy from my thighs, then shoved it into my large backpack on my side. Richard distanced himself from me, preparing for himself. I checked the inside of my pack, in case there was something missing. (A stack of clothes, three books that I had yet finished, some personal other things.) I scanned these whole things for another time, and zipped open the front pocket: toothbrush, a bottle of liquid soap, a perfume. After that, I opened the lower compartment, that was filled with ordinary woman’s things. I sighed a relief.

The bag weighted like a ton as it heaped onto my back. At the moment I started to walk to the door, Richard gave me a shiny look, his bag looked no heavy than mine. “Ready?” he said, gripping the shoulders strap of the bag tightly. He was like a child who would about to camp with the boy scouts.

I nodded as response.

Richard hopped onto the stairs. I let out a heavy breath.

With gathered courage, I followed Richard.

The sunlight blinded my vision as I stepped outside, and I had to narrow my eyes as the shield. As my gaze becoming clear, two men smiled kindly at me below— one was wearing a cowboy hat and had a pair of black eyes with a shape of crescent moon. While the other was dark as the night sky, his hands were intertwined on his back. It didn’t take a long moment to recognize them; Mr. Bao Chang, an archeologist who also was a member of the Ancient Cultures Research Centre; And beside him, stood Abidemi Ejiro, his assistant. Richard seemed to be in a deep conversation with a woman whose her back on me.

“Miss Padma! How pleasant to finally meet you here,” said Mr. Chang in his fluent Esperanto.

Ejiro offered his hand to help me descending the stairs, but I politely refused.

I shook my hand with Mr. Chang, his grip was greasy and firm. He looked exactly as the last time I had met him; his tousled black hair hid the tip of his ears, and the dark circles under his weary eyes were visible enough for me to see a bit of wrinkles on it.  
I extended my hand to Ejiro, who didn't hesitate to shake my hand back. He introduced himself, and I introduced myself as well. I realized that we hadn't exchanged our names formally until now.

"There are so many things that you need to know. Please follow me," said Mr. Chang. He turned around, but his gaze was on my backpack. "Abidemi, help our little lady with her bag, mind you. Ah, also put that in her tent."

When Ejiro took the bag off my back, my shoulders slumped like the whole of my burden vanished immediately. He smiled faintly at me. Then I muttered a thank you before he had gone into the midst of passing persons.

"Mr. Baldwin! Are you joining us?" Mr. Chang referred to Richard, who was still talking solemnly to a woman. I wondered if Richard knew her at all or it was just a mere formal chatting, he never mentioned any name to me except those whom I was familiar with.

"You may go on without me, sir. I have some appointment to do." Richard winked at me. My stomach curled in embarrassment, I couldn't believe he did that in front of Mr. Chang, of all people. Although I had known him long enough to tell that it was a common thing for a flirtatious man like him to do.

"Well, continue shall we?" Mr. Chang guided me to the tent that looked larger than the others. Two military soldiers stood by each tent in stiff position, clenching the rifles afore their chests tightly. Their keen eyes settled on front as if they were at a cold blooded war and the enemy would show up suddenly. Unlike any other archeological field lab that I had visited, this one was much more like a military area rather than a place for digging artifacts. I understood well enough that President Demitrio was a cautious man, or that perhaps Mr. Chang seeked a high protection from him. Of course, I would ask him too if I were him. This place was still considered as a threatening place (with the faint presences of the Giants, along other horrific scenarios that came with it), though we were in the safe zone.

The inside of the tent was no surprise for me; laptops and stack of paperwork on rectangular wooden tables, a few unused archeological equipment that were placed on the edge, and a large blueprint on the wall. ( _WALDSHUT-TIENGEN_ were written above it, the blueprint was like a tiny island which surrounded by an unknown sea.) Some fellows nodded and smiled politely to Mr. Chang and I, and we returned them with the same response.

Mr. Chang led me to the blueprint. The words on it becoming clearer; a chronological order from Area A to J. Every area was marked by different color, regardless of the meanings.

“We’re currently in Area A” Mr. Chang pointed at the very edge area on south, yellow colored. “Mostly used for military training or welcoming the arriving guests. The rest of it, well, for archeological purposes.” He made a circle gesture around the blueprint.

“The camping tents for archeologists or lab techs are in F and H, while the soldiers in B. If in case you might want to go to the restroom, it’s in Area G.” These areas were near with one another, no doubt that the access to others would be very simple. He looked at me for a sign of understanding, and I nodded twice briefly.

"We've found numerous artefacts in each area, most of them are B or C type. . ." He let himself trailing nowhere, making an expression that he just remembered something important. He glanced at his hand watch.

“Utsman!” Mr. Chang called loudly. An olive skinned man immediately jerked his head to Mr. Chang, he had a sharp-edged nose and a face of square shape— quiet young he was, perhaps no older than me.

“Sir?” Utsman approached us, patting his palms beside his pants.

“Please show our lady here around.” Mr. Chang demanded. And Utsman nodded.

Mr. Chang turned to me. “I’m apologize for not accompanying you any further, Miss.”

“It’s completely alright.” I curled my lips into a thin smile.

He glanced at his hand watch again. “I must go. Ah— Utsman? Tell Clementina that now she has a new partner.”

As Mr. Chang walked toward the open door, Utsman grinned, fully toothed. “Utsman Muntasir,” he introduced himself. “And you are?”

“Rachana Padma.” I exclaimed.

For a moment, I thought he was going to shake my hand. But instead, he patted my shoulder in a friendly manner. “Nice to meet ya.”

 

* * *

 

Utsman guided me to Area C at first. Because it was the only area that was close to the main tent and everyone— regardless affairs— was allowed to go within it. And another area that was near to the main tent was Area B, only permitted for soldiers or military purposes.

“They aren’t people you can just randomly mess with.” Utsman whispered as he caught glimpses of two soldiers passing beside him. “I only talk to them when necessary.”

In Area C, the ground had been excavated into deep rectangular— about 3 entrenchments as I counted— and the untapped ground was filled with aluminium tables with laboratory instruments on them, along laptops. The area was a mess of people and equipment and basins, and I felt like this was the kind of place where I belonged.

“We’ve found a Giant's bones in this area, B type.” Utsman gestured me to keep following him, rounding the area. So I did. The idea that they found a B type giant’s bones— with 32 feet high— struck me the most. “Although it's only the rib cage, it's still a really huge discovery. Made me awe. Cle— I mean Clementina, your new pal, couldn't stop fussing about it."

The image of a faceless woman appeared before my mind, I wondered what she was like- Clementina, my new partner, talking about the rib cage of a man-eating giant; the most hunted treasure for every living archeologist in Commonwealth. I imagined her to be long-haired and had a talkative personality.

"You must be that GIS specialist Mr. Chang been talking about." Utsman observed me. "I expected you to be older."

At this, I chuckled. "Really? What makes you so?"

The expression on Utsman was light and sunny like the day. "He talked about you that way! Like, you're so good at this and that. Also about you being smart at everything. Well, not only me, everyone said: _she must be looked like Ms. Daisy!_ "

Although I had no idea who Ms. Daisy was, I smiled thinly.

The thought of Mr. Chang talking about my intelligence warmed my heart. He was the person everyone respected and looked up to, it never crossed to my mind at all that he actually saw the potential within me. Which was, I hope, he did because I wanted to work with him as well as much as others.

Utsman stopped at the edge of the Area C. He casted down to the entrenchment, grinning in triumph. Then he craned his neck to look at me, nodding toward the below. I followed his gaze.

I held my breath.

About four people— three women and one man, all of them wearing plain caps— carefully examining the enormous rib cage, half of it was still inside the soil. It was hideous; even bigger than four human bodies or possibly even six, I would look like a tiny ant by an elephant if I were standing by it.

Utsman laughed at my expression. "That was what everyone like when they first saw it. Man, what a monster, right? I can't imagine if one of them still exist out there. I rather not knowing about it."  
I let out a long, heavy breath. "In my case as well."

The other areas (E, I, D, and J) were pretty identical as Area C; well, places for digging artefacts and such. They were filled with energetic people and lab equipment and entrenchments.

Utsman introduced me to some lab techs, "Hey everyone! Meet our new comrade!" We exchanged names and talked for a few moments, before they were called for their duties.

I met Clementina in Area D, sitting on the chair with a glowing screen of the laptop ahead her— resulting of an analysis of a spectrum— and a grey instrument which was placed beside it. The presence of an erlenmeyer flask with thick red liquid inside it made my interest spark; although I knew clearly that she had been preparing a sample for the FT IR Spectometer.

Clementina was far from what I’d expected her to be; her black licorice hair was neck-length, and she had sharp eyes that I thought I had done something inappropriate to her. Until I realized that it was her neutral expression, of course.

Unlike Utsman, who liked to rambling into the air carelessly even when I didn't say anything in return, it seemed that Clementina was only interested in talking to me when necessary. And I was surprised when she told me to call her by her nickname; Cle. Which was an indicate for me that she was approachable.

A drop of sweat streaming down on my neck. Unable to resist the heat under the sunlight, I tied my hair into a ponytail. The tip of it was bouncing to my shoulder when I turned to the side.

"So," Cle started. I slid my gaze to her, but still standing wearily. Utsman had gone once his superior called him to return for his duty. "GIS specialist, huh? What do you do?"

I thought for a moment. "I can initiate and maintain GPS data collection protocols—" Cle continued her work on the laptop, roughly typing the keyboard. "—also assist or instruct the archaeology staff on the use of GPS units and software, if that's what you mean?"

Cle settled her gaze on the screen of her laptop, restrained herself from typing. Her frown deepened, calculating something I wasn’t certain of. "And?"

"I'm also a lab tech."

Cle nodded in approval. She tapped once on the keyboard, then stood abruptly. Her smoky eyes met mine, piercing like sword. "Good, then help me."

 

* * *

 

I hadn't seen Richard since last I’d arrived at the archaeological site with him. Even when dinner had come, he was nowhere to be seen. It was odd, he had always been that kind of person who would show up even if I didn’t expect it.

I had asked Utsman when I encountered him in Area C— who surprisingly had recognized Richard because he talked to him once— for his whereabouts but sadly, Utsman had no idea as well. Having no choice, I returned to my tent.

The cold breeze made me whimper quietly, I felt slightly terrible for not wearing my warm sweater. The night sky was moonless, and the audible sound was only faint murmurs far away from the men's tent and rustling leaves. My awkward sandals flapped as I walked; a very uncomfortable sound to my ears. Gradually, the sandals becoming heavier with mounds of soil patched onto the soles of it.

The tents for women were four, as I counted. All of them had the identical huge size and were military kind as well as others. Cle had told me that she and I shared the same tent, which was the only tent with a C-02 written on the board that lay by it.

By the tent, a blonde haired woman let out a circle puff of smoke, sitting cross legged on the camping chair with only a casual boxer and white tank top. She looked at me with a raised eyebrow for a moment.

“Hey.” A deep and stable voice called as I started to walk inside the tent. I stopped, craning my head to see who it was. Of course, it was the blonde woman. Under only the lightning from the tent, her cheekbones were sharp and firm. “You’re the new girl?”

I nodded, just once.

To my utter surprise, she flashed a grin. “Enjoy your days here, girl.”

“So do you." I replied simply.

The woman put her cigarette to the smoking ashtray that was placed on the aluminium table ahead her. Then extended her hand, “Aine Fidelma. You’re that Padma right? Rachel Padma?”

I shook my hand with her, giving a polite smile. “Rachana Padma.”

“Oh, right.” Aine said, making a bored look. “Which department you come from?”

“Athena University— Department of Ancient History.”

Aine whistled. “Same as Mr. Chang, huh?”

Judging by her flat tone, I thought it was a statement rather than a question, so I didn’t say anything. I excused myself when she continued smoking, feeling extremely need to rest.

 

* * *

 

Although I had tried numerous positions to sleep on the camping cot, I still didn’t find deep slumber. Only for a few minutes I closed my eyes, then opened them again when the dream remained blurry and abstract.

The tent was silent, with the exception of the harsh pounding on the table outside the tent. Then, a high-pitched cheer echoing into the vacuous air: “ _Ha!_ I win this time.” No doubt, this voice belonged to Emily; the woman who was supposed to sleep next to me, but had volunteered to guard the tent for a whole night until four a.m. with the other three women; Abigail, Olivia and Madison, if I remembered correctly.

I rose slowly, gazing the surrounding. The women had been sleeping cozily; some in supine positions, several with foetus ones, and a few with peculiar others. It was hard to ignore the loud snoring came from a girl on the edge, who later I found out was Cle as she turned her face to my way. I’d rather not to talk about it next morning.

I zipped open my backpack that was laying on the ground, and I had to turn on my flashlight to see clearly inside. _The Principle of Hope_ was the first thing that my gaze caught, but the tiny part of me whispered for some Greek, so I picked  _Electra and other plays._

It had been minutes since I stared blankly at the dusty pages, unable to drown into the Greek world and Euripides's mesmerizing words. I recently started _The Trojan Women_ (POSEIDON: _Up from Aegean caverns, pool by pool. / Of blue salt sea, where feet most beautiful. / Of Nereid maidens weave beneath the foam. / Their long sea-dances, I, their lord, am come—_ ) but my eyes refused to read further, a little ached due the poor lightning.

Sighing wearily, I placed my book on the camping cot, and decided to go outside for fresh air with only a flashlight in my grip.

The first person who noticed my presence was Olivia, she smirked faintly at me as I emerged from the tent. The tip of her layered hair covered most of her pale cheeks, the jet black color of it matched her shirt perfectly. Beside her, sat Madison; solemnly gazing the cards in her grip. With her light brown hair tied like a ball, her face looked more round than usual. Emily flapped her card on the table roughly, a triumph smile crossed her face. Abigail groaned in peeved.

"Dammit, Emily." Abigail muttered, flipping her wavy cherry red hair off her shoulders. She squinted at her own cards.

Madison seemed not satisfied as well, but she kept quiet and still as sculpture. Olivia only watched.

"Eat that, _ladies._ " Emily grinned, filled with contentment.

Madison glanced at me, her eyes widened for awhile before she turned into her usual stoic expression. "Padma," she greeted, nodding briefly.

All the women looked at me; Emily smiled crookedly; Abigail was a bit surprised of my presence; Olivia's expression was flat, because she'd seen me seconds ago.

"Well, there's the new girl." Emily said. "Come here, join us." She moved another chair to her side, patting on the seat.

"I thought you were asleep." Abigail remarked, her gaze slid to my flashlight.

"No, thank you." I said to Emily, then to Abigail, "I couldn't sleep even when I tried to, so I decided to go for a walk."

"Want a company?" Madison offered, placing down her cards on the table. Her voice was too small that it took a few moments to realize that she was talking to me.

I smiled. "I'm fine on my own."

Madison looked a bit disappointed, but no word slipped out of her tongue.

"Enjoy the game." I said at last, returning to my own pace toward the darkness within.

A familiar voice called behind me, it was Emily. She ruffled her disheveled- razor cut pixie- hair as darted closer to me. I noticed a glinting object in her grip, who turned out to be a blue-colored whistle.

"Here." Emily grabbed my hand, placing the whistle on my palm. "If anything happens, just blow it out. Many times as you can."

I clenched the whistle, then used it as a necklace that hanging around my neck. Emily flashed a smirk.

"I truly appreciate it, thank you." I stared down at the object.

Emily waved her hand. "No problem. Take care."

 _Auribus teneo lupum._ Although there was no moon appeared in the sky, the real wolves might show up anytime. But I would not be frightened of the night. “Of course.” I said.

On the path ahead, the brittle leaves meandering helplessly due the violent breeze. A cricket chirping in sonorous tone far away where I could barely reach. The smell of lively pine trees built an endless tranquility within my body, drowning thousand of ugly possibilities inside my crowded mind to the deep sea of unknown.

I spotted a park brench, not far from it, a huge billboard stood firmly; AREA E, with bold and simple font, easily to read even in the darkness. A few lifeless leaves and debris covered the seat, so I scrubbed them slowly. Some of the dirt were on my palms, I patted onto my pants to wipe it off, although not entirely even if I managed hard. Then I sat, only with the accompany of my flashlight.

The pine trees sighed. And I was immune to the cold for a moment; my sweatshirt protected me from it, thick and warm and comfy.

Most of the nights, I usually seeked peace and serenity within my soul; it was only the precise time where I could find my own self, where no task or duty could possibly interfere.

I leaned onto the back rest, and closed my eyes. Replacing every possible negative thoughts with the delight ones.

Then I heard the sounds of heavy footsteps.  
I opened my eyes abruptly, looking the surrounding for someone— or a _thing_ , with my flashlight as a reliable source. But found none. However, that didn't make the situation less terrifying. The shining light from the flashlight trembling uncontrollably like my whole body, and my breaths becoming heavy. Usually, I could handle my fear, but somehow, this time was arduous. Perhaps it was because I wasn't familiar with this place yet, or perhaps— although it was nonsense in every way— because I thought of a huge giant walking toward me.

The footsteps distanced away, slowly and slowly becoming faint like the wind.

I let out the longest breath I had ever done in the past weeks.


	2. Chapter 2

The next morning, my eyes felt terrible with the need of more sleep as well as my body, and my back was a bit ached due the bad position in sleeping.

The buzzing of conversations and casual laughs spreading through the catering tent. Some familiar faces greeted me, and I nodded at them with a smile. In a midst of passing people, I spotted Utsman, waving his hand enthusiastically at my direction. Cle was sitting ahead him, her back faced me.

I sat beside Utsman, placing the plate (consisting two eggs, hummus, tabouli, salad, and zaatar pita) and a glass of mineral water to the table. Cle raised both of her eyebrows when she looked up.

"Whoa, Padma." Utsman said, turning to face me. "I bet you're in the same tent as Cle. And you can't sleep 'cause of her loud snore."

Cle kicked Utsman's foot, and the table jerked a slight. Utsman showed no pain at all. He only grinned mockingly at Cle, who had bitter expression over her face.

"Oh— yes. But that's not the reason, of course." I cut the egg into half with spoon, and fork as a supporting object. "I had insomnia last night, a very unpleasant one." Then, I chewed the bit of it slowly.

"Eh." Utsman said. I noticed the plate before him, empty but filthy. "Must be sucks. My mother has insomnia too, you know. That one time I found her wandering around in midnight, looking for some leftover to eat." His eyes glinted of longing.

I swallowed the food in my mouth. "That reminds me— where do you come from, Utsman? If you don't mind my asking."

"Othana." Utsman replied, smiling widely as if he were proud. "Small village in the south, same as Cle." He nodded at Cle, who was eating by herself peacefully. "How 'bout you?"

"Redrose." I replied, taking another spoon of food.

Utsman pounded both of his hands roughly on the table, that made Cle and I flinched in surprise. A few workers who were sitting near us gave dirty looks at Utsman, who seemed to notice of it, but acted like nothing happened. " _The_ Redrose? As in, the city of Redrose? Man! Have you met that famous poet Marva Sadajiwa?"

I blinked, the idea of Utsman as a literature enthusiast intrigued me. "Um, no—"

"Just ignore him." Cle snapped, giving Utsman a warning look. "He's a bitch when it comes to Marva."

"Oh, come on." Utsman pleaded. And Cle kept staring deadly at him. With a low sigh, Utsman was saying, "Okay, you're right. I'm sorry." He turned to me again. "You're the only one here who came from Redrose. I was overly excited, and surprised."

"No need to, really." Then, I gulped the mineral water. The sensation of fresh water streaming down within my dried throat relaxed me. "In fact, my mother had talked to him once."

Utsman widened his eyes in curiosity, grinning like a sacred child. "How'd he look like?"

"A fine man, I guess. My mother didn't talk much about him even when I asked her." I took another spoon.

"What did they talk about?"

"Simply a conversation between a dealer and a buyer. They talked about the weather as well." I let out a low sigh. "She lost a high opportunity, and didn't even know of it. I would talk a lot about his works if I were her."

Utsman pointed an index finger. "Same as me. I didn't expect you to be fond of him, though."

I only smiled.

We shared a few of our interests then, especially about Marva Sadajiwa's poetry collections and our favorites from each of them. Never had I thought of Utsman— the cheerful, loving, and a very energetic kind— as someone who would talk about social issues solemnly. Through Marva's poetry, as Utsman claimed, he found the truest soul of the poet in them; a solid string of understanding and empathy connected Utsman's soul toward the another's, as if Utsman and Marva were two men in one body and with only a mind. And I, as the reader of his works, could relate to this perfectly.

"Utsman?" I called as he started to leave the catering tent, he turned to me. "Have you seen Richard?"

"No." Utsman shrugged lazily. “He's supposed to be in the same tent as me, but I never saw him sleep or wake.”

“Is his backpack there?”

Utsman frowned. His gaze was unfocused, trying to remember the presence of Richard's things. "Yeah, I think?"

I thanked him as he walked away from me. When I stared off the space, the image of Richard and the unknown woman who he had talked to appeared before my mind.

Perhaps he had been working with her.

 

* * *

 

I spent the daylight working with Cle in the field, with the sun burning down my greasy skin and sweat running down under the dusty clothes.

And I still hadn't seen Richard.

"You know, there's a rumor that someone's missing." Cle murmured, so quietly that I barely heard. I was slightly surprised that Cle started a conversation with me, without being related to archaeological matters.

"Really?" I wiped the streaming sweat on my forehead, squinting at the light sky. "Has Mr. Chang clarified this?"

"Well, Mr. Chang has no authority over the military," said Cle. "Of course he wouldn't."

She fell silent. I watched the workers digging an entrenchment for artefacts with all their might, and the lab technicians diligently searching for clues. The weariness across my body slowly dimmed, but the desire to sit for another hour filled my whole.

Cle, who was sitting beside me, grabbed her mineral bottle and took a drink.

“God.” I closed my eyes, the dots of sun rays gleaming in my dark vision. “I hope it’s not Richard.”

“Are you his boyfriend or something?” Cle arched an eyebrow, suspicious written all over her face. “You keep asking about him.”

I opened my eyes. Richard was courteous, and he had this charming aura around him whenever he started to talk with another. He was quiet handsome, when I thought about it— his oval face, sea blue eyes, and a smile made for peace— but the idea of him as a lover never occurred to me.

“He’s a brother to me.” I said. “It’s unusual of him, to disappear without my knowing. It makes me worry— I’m afraid that he’s missing in this huge field, or . . .”

I didn’t finish myself. Cle must have understood what I meant, and I didn’t want to say it out loud. I extremely wanted to erase those disturbing false images of the Giants and their hideous faces inside my head, but they still wouldn’t vanish.

“The military can take of him, if he’s really missing.” Cle said. “You’ve seen them, big muscled and all.”

I had indeed seen them; the way their whole presences yelled war and their stoic faces indicated no recognition of fear. However, there was still a tiny part of me that whispered not enough huskily.

“I hope so.” I said.

Then we continued our tasks until afternoon came. The scorching heat was no longer right above our heads, and some fellows decided to go back into their own tents for a break. When Cle returned into the tent, I was on my own looking for Mr. Chang.

I encountered Mr. Chang in Area D, instructing a man who had jumped inside an entrenchment. It was not hard to search for his familiar cowboy hat. He was in casual clothes like the other workers, crouching toward the man and making an uncertain gesture.

“Mr. Chang? Do I interrupt you?” I called as I was close enough for him to hear, peering down curiously to the entrenchment.

“Oh! No, no.” Mr. Chang looked a bit taken aback to see me. He gestured to the man below for another last instruct. As the man gave a brief nod, Mr. Chang stood up to face me. “What can I do for you, Miss Padma?”

“I came on the matter of Richard Baldwin.”  
Mr. Chang’s expression fell. “I am well aware enough that Mr. Baldwin has worked diligently and did not make any trouble.”

“Of course—” I stopped myself. “Pardon me, sir?” 

“He works fine with Miss Fidelma.” Mr. Chang said. My eyes widened, quiet surprised that Aine Fidelma— the woman who I found smoking in the night— had been Richard’s partner this whole time. “You needn’t to worry about him, Miss Padma. This archaeological site is large indeed, and perhaps you haven’t had the chance to encounter him. He must be working elsewhere at the moment.”

I curled my lips. Of course, I trusted Mr. Chang fully. But— “Do you by any chance know which area where I can meet Miss Fidelma? I didn’t see Richard in the catering tent, and I want to talk to him personally. Perhaps she knows of his whereabouts.”  
Mr. Chang smiled, tilting his head to the side.

“Area E, I suppose?" About Richard, he was saying, "You must be mistaken, then. I shared table with Mr. Baldwin in the morning. As a matter of fact, he asked for more of his salad.”

I stared past of Mr. Chang’s shoulder, and my gaze lingered on the lab techs who were working on their tasks. My mind was far from the running time, wandering somewhere into the depth of my head. It was there, it was right there— the answer to my question, the only one thing that I highly desired to know more. But I refused to believe it, though it was visible right before my eyes and audible right in my ears.

“Mr. Chang.” I started after minutes of unbearable silence. “Richard isn’t a vegetarian.”

A few moments, then Mr. Chang burst into a manic laugh as if he’d just heard a funniest joke from me.

I only stared him.

“Oh, Miss Padma. You know Mr. Baldwin well enough, don’t you?” Mr. Chang said, between his dimmed chuckles.

“He’s missing, isn’t he?” I queried, though I already knew the answer.

Richard— a significant other, a brother, a family— had been missing entirely with his shadows. His mother had asked me to look out for him, and I failed her. She would be probably laying in her bed at the moment, longing for her son, and didn't know that he had been gone in the strange place where the Giants could appear and devour humans at any time. I remembered of her loving expression whenever she talked about her son and old memories of him, of how deep the color of the sea in her melancholy eyes, like Richard’s.

And I failed her.

Mr. Chang took a step to the side. “Come.” He nodded forward. “I will tell you everything I know.”

 

* * *

 

The curiosity within my skin blazing wildly, and I had to restrain the words in my throat from spilling out. Mr. Chang would tell me everything, surely. But my eagerness for more and more wouldn’t vanish.

I shook out the terrible flashing images out of my head, reminding myself constantly that being anxious wouldn't solve anything.

Mr. Chang led me to the outside of Area A. (The soldiers had been guarding the enormous gate that separated the safe zone and the warning one, and had refused to open the gate for us. But after Mr. Chang had said that he extremely needed to talk to the Command Sergeant Major, they'd opened it eventually, even seemed unwilling to.)

Mr. Chang still hadn't said a word to me. The last time he spoke was when the gate had opened roughly: “The outside has been proven safe for us to go, actually. It is just not entirely. The soldiers are possibly training around the ruin buildings of Waldshut-Tiengen, and some of them are looking for Mr. Baldwin.” He had remarked, all casual.

Two soldiers had been ordered to accompany us safely until we reached our destination, who apparently, didn't make the atmosphere less unpleasant. They were carrying rifles with their firm grips, which made me uncomfortable in most ways; as if we were in a war and I were their captive that would be sentenced to death.

We had been walking quietly as shadows, surrounded by tall trees and the melody of chirping birds in the sky. And none of us wanted to start a conversation.

Slowly, the grass was replaced by thick asphalt, and the crumbled buildings with mansard roofs emerged between branches.

The excerpt of Eliza Griswold's poem— I forgot which— suddenly popped into my mind: _[I am healing by mistake] Rome is also built on ruins._ The ruin of the city was nothing compared to blurry photos that I had seen of old Rome; in which Rome was well constructed, Waldshut-Tiengen was immensely disorganized. Of course, since the sudden appearance of the Giants over a century ago, the cities across Germany had been destructed by these vicious creatures, so it was not a wonder. Also, when I thought deeper of it, Rome must be looked no better than Waldshut-Tiengen at the current time.

Despite of its ruination, Waldshut-Tiengen was lively in the oddest ways; the trees roaming through the shattered buildings, and the birds made a home out of crooked roof. It was the peace after cold war occurred, the serenity after one found a light in the darkness.

At the end of the road, two soldiers stood stiffly with robust shoulders. Behind them, the street continued along rough fragments of brick, stone, and roof. A raucous crowd of soldiers filled the city within, exploring for the unknown dangers.

The two soldiers scanned Mr. Chang and I; the other’s frown deepened, while the another glanced at the soldiers who had been accompanying us.

“On what business?” one of them demanded, voice hoarse and rough.

“I’d like to meet Command Sergeant Major Olamide, if you please,” said Mr. Chang.

The soldier squinted suspiciously at Mr. Chang. “CSM Olamide is busy.”

“It is important, tell her that Dr. Chang needs to talk.”

The soldier widened his eyes at the name, scanning Mr. Chang from head to toe once again. “You’re Dr. Chang?” he slid his gaze to the other soldiers behind us for confirmation, they nodded.

Mr. Chang smiled. “Of course.”

Then the soldier looked at me, hesitating.

“Not to worry, she’s with me.”

They let us went through. And the soldiers behind us returned to Area A without a word.

It didn’t take a long moment to find Command Sergeant Major Olamide, with the help of some passing soldiers and their guide. She’d been watching a few Sergeant Majors— who had been training soldiers in the open area— with hands intertwined on her back, and her narrowed eyes were on every soldier drifted by.

“Command Sergeant Major Olamide,” greeted Mr. Chang. He took off his cowboy hat briefly in a polite manner.

Olamide turned around to face Mr. Chang, the sun light penetrated through her short curly hair. The whole of her features— long shaped, dainty nose, and thick brown lips— roared thousand warnings itself. She was the deadliest kind of warrior; the one who would crash onto rotten bones of her enemy and yell at the grim reaper ahead her, the one who none would interfere except if one wished for a fool death.

Her sharp expression didn’t change even when her face recognized Mr. Chang.

“Mr. Chang,” her voice was loud and steady, she seemed to notice my presence but did not glance at me. “What a surprise.”

“I’d like to talk a few things. But let me introduce my subordinate first.” Mr. Chang stepped to the side, so that I was visible enough for her to see. “Rachana Padma, GIS specialist and lab technician.”

I shook my hands with her.

“Miss Padma here is a friend of Mr. Baldwin.” Mr. Chang said, in his pleasant tone. “She knows of his disappearance.”  
Olamide did not look surprised at all, her expression remained stoic.

“Some of my men are searching for him now,” she exclaimed. “They haven’t reported yet.”

“May I know since when he disappeared?” I asked.

Olamide slid her gaze to me. “I should ask the same of you, girl. You are his friend after all.”

“The last time I saw him was when he talked to a woman, when we had arrived at Area A.” I said. “I didn’t see him again then. Utsman— a man who shares the tent with Richard— said that he didn’t see Richard sleep or wake.”

Mr. Chang sighed, a low and inaudible one. “It was Miss Aurore who he talked to, she also doesn’t know of his whereabouts.”

“We mustn’t ask anyone for further.” Olamide said. “People will panic.”

Of course, people would panic. Perhaps that was why Mr. Chang lied to me in the first place. I recalled of Cle’s conversation with me in the daylight, “I suppose it’s too late, a rumor of someone missing has passed between the workers.”

To my surprise, they seemed calm and steady, as if they had expected it from long ago.

“I hope it will stay that way, as a mere rumor and nothing else,” said Mr. Chang.

Olamide glanced to the surrounding, then settled her gaze on something behind us. “We talk more in the tent.”

She started to walk, Mr. Chang and I followed her behind. I hadn’t realized that there was a tent at all, until Olamide pointed it. The tent was identical as the others in the archaeological site; incredibly huge, had a conical roof, and some windows. A few soldiers who stood by the tent gave Olamide salutes, which she returned with another stiff one.

A rectangular table greeted us as we went deeper. Above it, lay a map of Waldshut-Tiengen with some red and green marks.

“My men are currently exploring this area.” Olimade made a gesture, circling the area in the east of _THE RUIN TOWN_ ; which was the place we were currently in. “It is still considered safe at the moment.” I noticed a tiny x green mark on the area.

“Tonight, five squadrons will explore the danger areas. More to the north.”

I frowned at the map. “At night? Wouldn’t it be too dangerous?”

“There’s a theory that the Giants are inactive during the night,” replied Mr. Chang. “It has been proven, well trusted.”

 _Inactive!_ I looked up at Olamide, she was still staring at the map, possibly predicting for the future occurrence. “Command Sergeant Major Olamide.” I called. And when she glanced at me with ducked chin, I continued, “May I join your expedition?”

Mr. Chang shot me a look. “Miss Padma—”

“Can you handle weapons, girl?” Olamide snapped harshly. I opened my mouth to answer, but she interrupted, “No. Of course not. My men here are well experienced for over years and you cannot even handle a rifle, let alone a handgun.”

It was the truth, never in my life had I dreamt of clenching a gun. But Richard had been missing. He was out there, cold and alone in the forest with the threat of the Giants coming behind, and more importantly, without any weapon on him. How could he possibly survive? I wouldn’t go back home without Richard on my side, I wouldn’t face his mother like this.

I bit my lower lip. “Please—”

“I agree. Your place is in the archeological site, Miss Padma. Not in the red zone. Just imagine the terrible things that would happen out there, there’s a high likelihood that you wouldn’t make it alive.” Mr. Chang said.

I turned to Mr. Chang. “But the Giants are inactive in the night, as you said.”

Olamide let out a peeved sigh. “I will not permit it under any circumstances.”

"Miss Padma." Mr. Chang started, his tone was softer than before. "I understand that you're worried over Mr. Baldwin, we all do. But please, think of the consequences if you came along. I believe that Mr. Baldwin is a clever man, he can take care of himself until the soldiers find him."

"Listen to Mr. Chang here, girl. You must have parents waiting in the country, _think_ about them."

I cared for my parents as much as for Richard, and I was aware enough of the consequences. They were numerous things that I had been told by them frequently, and sounded as clichè as it was, one of them was this: _the whole of your future is in your own hands, believe in your voice and speak up loudly in the stage of your life._

And before I knew what I was about to say, the words simply came out of my mouth: "I can speak German. _Sollte ich sagen, sehr fließend_."

_(Should I say, very fluent.)_

Both Mr. Chang and Olamide looked at me strangely.

I continued, "A theory claims that there's a civilization in this country. Perhaps Richard were with them, and I could talk to them of it."

“A _conspiracy_.” Mr. Chang said bitterly. “Made by some lunatic who barely see the proven facts.”

“We can't be sure yet.” I assured. “It doesn't remain a conspiracy if we don't explore further for confirmation. The country is greatly capacious. A group of humans might be living out there in the safe place.”

Mr. Chang shook his head, in disappointment rather than incredulity. “This is not going to work.”

But Olamide made an unreadable face, considering my speculation.

 

* * *

 

At last, Olamide allowed me to join a squadron. Because when she had asked a few Sergeants if any of their members could speak German, the result was only one; it was Abraham Elias, a member of Staff Sergeant Afonso Cipriano’s squad.

To ensure that I had not lied at all, Olamide had demanded Abraham to test my ability in German. With over four years learning the language, thankfully, I had satisfied Olamide with my answers.

Mr. Chang, however, had subdued. “Don't make me regret for telling you, Miss Padma,” he had said, followed by a weary sigh.

“You didn't tell me of it, Mr. Chang.” I had said. “I found it by myself.”

I hadn't returned to the archaeological site even until the night came. Unlike Mr. Chang, who had immediately gone with a last goodbye wave as his business with Olamide had finished.

As Olamide's command, I would be in Staff Sergeant Arthur Flavien’s squad. He was a cordial person indeed, willingly to take me— someone who absolutely had no experience in military nor weapons— as one of his temporary members.

There were about ten members in his squad, and I had been introduced to only three of them; Hafza Ibtihaj; she was quiet and taciturn, but her carnelian eyes were fierce like hawks. The color of her Lebanese hijab was soft umber, almost matched to her warm brown skin. Hana Autumn; she had the identical crescent eyes like Mr. Chang, her hair was paled from the darkest night to sacred silver. Her last name reminded me of rustling rotten leaves, hot Americano coffees and old dusty books. And the very last, Doriano Eliseo; the loudest among all, and I should say, he was very insolent in most ways. ( _‘Don’t Archaeologists like it_ dirty _?’_ ) The head of his Chinese dragon tattoo was visible on his neck- as if a constant reminder that the man was deadly- and his thin hair was faded to the bottom.

But now, none of them was seen.

“Need to remind you.” Arthur started, tucking his dark hair into his ears. Although I was wearing earplugs, I could still hear his voice. “You have to hold the gun by both hands, and keep it to the safe direction even if the safety were on." He held the gun carefully. I only watched with deep interest. "Always keep your finger off the trigger, and put it outside the trigger guard until you've made a conscious decision to shoot. Also, note to mind that you've got to be sure of your target, backstop, and beyond."

Arthur glanced at me, and laughed. "I know what you're thinking about. It'll be pretty hard for starters. But don't worry though, it's a .22lr pistol, will be very easy for you. I think."

I sighed, still looking at the gun. "I'm afraid that I would shoot wrongly."

"Come on, we still have time to practice." Arthur said. He offered me the gun, and I took it in cautious. The gun was extremely heavy in my grip, I didn't understand how could the actors or actresses in action movies hold it by only one hand.

"Your gun hand- dominant hand, I mean- should grip the gun high on the back strap." Arthur guided my right hand to clench the gun. With the help of Arthur's hands, the gun became lighter than before. "Put your support hand-" He nodded at my left hand. "-and press it against the exposed portion of the grip."

I did as he said. Then he let go his hands off my grip.

"Four fingers of your support hand must be under the trigger guard, with your index finger pressed hard below it," demanded Arthur.

And again, I did.

Arthur clapped twice. "Good! Now. Point it to the target, and use your dominant eyes."

I pointed the gun at the shooting range target. With military night vision googles, the silhouette of the target was black, and the thin circles on its chest were dark green like the whole scenery behind it.

"The handgun has a front sight and a rear sight notch, yes?"

It took a moment to realize what he meant. "Yes."

"Aim at the x part of the target. Then, align the top of the front sight until it lines up with the top of the rear sight."

I let out a tremble breath. "Alright."

"You can do it." Arthur assured kindly. "Focus on the front sight. If the target is blurry, press the trigger, not pull. You can shoot three times. And _don't-_ " Arthur warned when I put my finger to the trigger. "-anticipate when the gun will fire."

Subconsciously, I closed my right eye and used the left one to aim. As the target became unfocused, I squeezed the trigger until I felt some kind of opposition from the gun. Then I maintained my balance, so that when the gun kicked back, I would stand still.

The gun fired, it jolted violently in my clench. With the ear protection, thankfully, the gunshot wasn't jarring to my ears. And I shot another two bullets toward the target.

I grinned in triumph, though I didn't know whether I hit the target or not. As if the burden on my shoulders had been lifted by the bullets.

My gaze focused on the target. None of them reached the x.

I closed my eyes for the briefest moment.

"It's close," said Arthur, smiling genuinely. "Keep it up. That's good, you know. For a beginner."

"Thank you." I muttered, but still not satisfied with my own result.

A figure emerged behind Arthur. It was not clear even with the night vision, the figure was too distant.

"Ah." I said. "There's someone behind you."

Arthur turned around. "Ethan!" he called loudly.

I clicked the safety into off, and carefully plucked it into one of the pockets. (military uniform had dozen pockets.) When I took the googles from my eyes, I could see him palpably; Ethan, the man with tousled copper blonde hair and heavy-lidded eyes, approaching us slowly.

Arthur faced me. "He's in my squad- Ethan, meet Padma. Padma, meet Ethan."

He nodded lazily, then flicked his gaze to me. "CSM Olamide called you."

 

* * *

 

 

"SOLDIERS! _ATTEN-HUT!_ " roared Olamide. 

All of the soldiers snapped into straight positions, and lingered their gazes onto Olamide without any further movement.

I stood by Olamide, my hands intertwined on my back firmly.

"TODAY, SOMEONE WILL BE JOINING US." Olamide turned to me. "INTRODUCE YOURSELF GIRL."

I put both hands beside my tighs, curled it into tight fists. "Rachana Padma." I said calmly. I hoped I didn't look dumb in front of the experienced soldiers.

 _For Richard, for Richard, for Richard._ I reminded myself constantly.

"PADMA HERE WILL BE IN STAFF SERGEANT FLAVIEN'S SQUAD FOR TEMPORARY. UNTIL RICHARD BALDWIN IS TO BE FOUND." Olamide looked at Arthur. (that seemed like a deadly glare.) "DO YOU RECALL, SSG FLAVIEN?"

"Yes, ma'am!" said Arthur.

"JOIN SSG FLAVIEN'S ROW, GIRL." Olamide demanded harshly.

I walked to the very last of Arthur's row, right behind Hafza. I realized that I was the only one who didn't have a rifle with me.

"EVERYONE HAS BEEN TOLD THEIR OWN ORDERS IN THE AFTERNOON," continued Olamide. Before I had practiced the firearm with Arthur, Olamide had explained the whole plan with all of the squadrons. It was a clever and caution act, I should say. 

"DOES ANYONE HAS QUESTIONS?"

A hand raised in Afonso's row. 

"YOUR NAME AND QUESTION, BOY."

"Abraham Elias, ma'am. I must ask, what if one of the squads were attacked by the Giants?"

The soldiers did not shift in their positions at all.

I frowned at the question. Hadn't Olamide told him that the Giants would be inactive during the night? Or was it remained a secret between superiors? Well, certainly, I _wasn't_ a superior. 

"DEPENDS. IF IT WERE AROUND A TYPE WE POSSIBLY COULD HANDLE IT. BUT IF IT WERE OVER C TYPE, WE LEAVE THEM. THE GIANTS CAN GENERATE NO MATTER HOW MANY BULLETS YOU SHOOT." Olamide stopped to take a breath. "OUR GOAL IS TO FIND RICHARD BALDWIN ONLY. NOTHING ELSE."

No one was surprised at the answer. As if they already knew that the path ahead would be their own death.

"ANY QUESTIONS?"

No one raised a hand.

For the last time, Olamide demanded us to move forward.


End file.
